B is for Becoming

I am in a constant state of becoming. I think this most characterizes my adult life. I love learning new things and I’ve never met a challenge that I didn’t want to take, even when I knew better. Which, of course, is ironic because I’m also uncomfortable with the unknown. Fear of the unknown is another thing that characterizes my adulthood, especially my relationships, quite swimmingly. I’m a worrier, but I love new challenges. Eek! Can you imagine?

Ok, so back to becoming. I’ve had many powerful role models in my life for which I am eternally grateful. And when I think about the person I want to be, who I want to become, two spring to mind immediately. The first is my grandfather. He could be so difficult. He was opinionated and bossy and used to getting his way. But he was also giving of himself, especially in our community. And his civic-mindedness rubbed off on me in a big way. It’s led me to volunteer lots of time and resources to programs and causes that I felt would better my community and the world. It’s also led me to take on challenges that I might not have always felt prepared for, pursuing success with a single-mindedness that I’m sure I inherited pretty directly from him, like a Frankenstein-esque brain transfer. 

My grandfather, Jerry Yates (Alamogordo NM)

The other person who has had a profound impact on my perspective as I walk through life is my grandma. My mom’s mom was an amazing woman. Stubborn, opinionated (you’re seeing a pattern here, aren’t you?), passionate and creative. She was an artist and a writer. She was the matriarch of our family and I loved her so dearly. I held her hand so many times in the days leading to her death and thanked her for all the gifts she had given me in my life. But one thing that she taught me that has really resonated with me in my adult life had to do with regret. For all her accomplishments and talents, my grandma had some deep regrets, including a regret about not going to college and becoming a writer professionally. When we’d talk about her life, and she’d talk about the things she wished she’d done with sadness in her eyes, it strengthened my resolve to live my life without regrets. 

My grandmother Christina Duran Godby (La Luz, NM)

Becoming. Everyday, I am becoming the woman I want to be. My definition changes over time, but each new thing I do and each new challenge I take on leaves its mark on my path and guides me in my journey. I’d like to think that I will stay in this perpetual state of becoming until the day I die. And I hope that I will touch lives and help people everyday.

Are you becoming?